35+2! Only 5 more weeks left! :D
Everything does not get better with time.
It’s been two years since two of the most wonderful, amazing boys I’ve ever known passed away. They say that time heals all wounds but what they don’t say is yeah, it might get a little easier to cope with the fact they’re gone but the hurt is still there…always waiting. You can’t avoid thinking about someone who has made such an impact on your life. Everything reminds me of you. John, we never should have had a stupid thing about windows, they’re everywhere! Haha, and TJ, you helped me so much more than you know and it kills me every day that I didn’t apologize to you that day in band. I will never have that chance…I know everyone says that they’re sure you understood and didn’t completely hate me but I honestly don’t believe it, if you were still here you probably would still not be talkin to me an you’d still think I was an ass. I will never know what someone told you I said but I guarantee that I never said anything bad about you. You really hurt me, kid. Well, I digress. The point is, it’s been two years and so much has changed, TJ, I wish I could talk to you again, not even go back to talking I can’t really say if you would still be mad or not but I just want to apologize even though I did nothing…I wish you would have just believed me. And John, I wish you were still here for me to talk to at 4 in the morning when no one else is. I have so much happening now, I’m engaged and I think you would be one of the happiest people about it, I know your parents were excited :) also, I’m having a little boy next month and I really would kill for you to be here for me and for this…Charles and I are planning on taking him to your house as much as we can. Your mom already told us she’s basically going to be another grandma to him and were just ao thankful for her and your dad’s support. They’re amazing John, just like you. It just hurts so bad I feel guilty everyday for moving on with my life getting engaged and having a child, things you’ll never get to do. I just feel selfish..but I know you would want everyone to move on and just forget this horrible thing happened. Some things you just can’t get over though. I love you guys. Two years without you is two years too long.
Recently the actors who play Rue and Cinna have come under attack from Racist fans of the Hunger Games. Reblog if you support the casting of Amandla Stenberg, the adorable and talented actress who plays Rue, and Lenny Kravitz, the unquestionable genius who plays Cinna. More @ eonline.
Here’s a picture of my evil looking puppy yawning because it’s 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep :/
When I was 18, I got into a fight with my boyfriend, one of those fights where I was entirely out of line. I left his apartment for a while and drove around our college town, trying to remember how you apologized to someone. I went to the grocery store and made my way to the bakery, picking out a cake with flowers on it, the kind you fight over with other kids at birthday parties when you’re little. I pointed it out to the woman behind the counter.
“Do you want to say something on it?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Can you put ‘Sorry for being a cunt’ on it?”
“No, no, I cannot,” she huffed at me.
We were in a standoff. I can only imagine what she thought of a teenage girl putting such a word in buttercream icing. She stood strong and I didn’t back down. She called her manager over, a younger woman who started laughing when she heard what the problem was. She tried to convince her employee to write my message in buttercream and then she tried to compromise with me.
“Maybe ‘sorry for being a bitch’?” she said.
“No, it was worse than that, I was a total cunt,” I said.
“I won’t write bitch either,” said the employee, arms crossed.
Finally, the manager grabbed the icing herself and wrote my message on it. I paid for it and took it to my then boyfriend’s apartment. I knocked and held it out to him. He read it and read it again and looked from my face to the cake and back again a few times. I shrugged and he let me inside, setting the cake on the kitchen table. We sat and ate it together, forgetting why we had been so upset. He ate the part that said “cunt” on it and I got the flower.
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I don’t remember how to make friends, if I ever did at all.
